with gay abandon,
like a twisty thing, I have done
a repetition, a re-embowelling. Encased what was done
in envy.
I wrapped the foreign, of his
cruelty within. Opaque, like human shaped blizzard, I froze
in time.
I wish I had a me, to mind me back then.
To salt circle and conjure me fondly, when fond is in
short supply.
My head lay next to mine, pillow-talking
me in crisp dark, lacing my skin with feathers for flight.
Stroking me
softly, through all that future winter
stumbling in, and like last year’s snow I would be nowhere
near here.
Jaymz Lea (he/they) is a queer human, playing with words for the joyful jostle. They are a mental health professional, academic and poet. They are chewing on this new permission to write about human phantasies at the edges – those othered, outed and ousted. He is also an excitable nature geek.